Here we are

I've been thinking about the concept of here and now. We've all heard the saying living in the now, or live for the moment. And I think that's very important. I think there's also a deeper spiritual meaning to that too. We need to know what it means to live in the now of God as well as living life to the fullest in every moment. Because living in the now with God is the only way we can truly do that.

The other day God spoke to me on this through kind of a funny situation. I was really thirsty all day on Saturday. I had gone to the gym and forgot to refill my water bottle after my workout, so on the ride home I was thirsty. When I arrived home, I went to get a drink of water and we were out of our store-bought water. The well water here tastes awful so we always buy water. So I reached for the coffee instead. The day went on like that, I kept grabbing whatever beverage was close by but never really quenching my thirst. It wasn't until about 10 o clock at night that I finally took a drink of water! As I poured the glass I heard God speak to me very clearly. "This is what it's like to go the entire day without me. You can reach for all kinds of other things..... movies, books, conversation, music, etc but none of those will quench your thirst like walking with me. Because I'm the living water" It was such a great aha moment! I thought, I've always known this but somehow I've been fooling myself lately, thinking that I can figure things out by myself, keep myself busy. But nothing is truly fulfilling like spending time in God's presence.

I am so thankful to God for restoring me and never giving up on me. He always steers me in the right direction, I just have to be willing to listen. I love how God can use a simple everyday thing to illustrate His love for me.

New Beginnings

It's been a while since I wrote on here because life has been pretty busy! I was out in BC visiting my Mom last week, which was great. I took Zach on his first plane ride! He did amazing, slept most of the way.  We will be going on vacation next week and then moving house when we get back! I still can't believe it. We are going back to where we came from..... haha. I initially was not excited about the move, I will admit. I couldn't understand why God would ask me to leave a place that I love so much and leave so many people that are dear to me. We made the decision back in April, and we were originally thinking we would move in the fall. And the timing did not sit right with me. (that and I just didn't want to move!) I knew this move would be challenging but rewarding so I decided from the beginning that I would need to be open to whatever God wanted me to do, no matter how difficult it seemed. I knew that everything would eventually make sense to me once I looked back on it.

So now the time has come. I am so thankful that I had the summer and fall to spend watching my son grow and relaxing in my beautiful home that I love so much. (tear!) And I am so thankful for being at the hospital when my nephew David was born, what a beautiful thing. I have had an amazing time being on mat leave with my sister-in-law Sarah, it`s brought us closer together. And just being able to share the experience of family life with Chris and Sarah has been an awesome experience. There`s so much to be thankful for. I have had lots of time to process the idea of moving house and moving into a new stage in life.

I realize now that what I havereally been learning about through all this is sacrifice. I remember when we decided to move, a good friend of mine gave me a verse to read. Matthew 19:29 says,  "And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life". I can`t tell you how much that verse helped me and really pulled me through.As I started to look at this move as a sacrifice for God it became about laying my life down for something greater and bigger than myself. For the Kingdom. Sacrificing what is comfortable for a more exciting life, a life in God's purposes. It took my feelings a while to catch up, and in some ways there is still more work to do. But that's just it, I can't make decisions based solely on what feels good or what is comfortable. Sometimes God asks us to do things that feel just the opposite. I know this will be a journey and its just beginning. I am excited for what God has in store for me and for my family and I am already seeing purpose in the timing of it all.

Holiday Cheer

Christmas. My favourite time of year. I can't wait to play my favourite Christmas music, decorate the house and of course, the shopping! I love buying gifts and especially Christmas gifts. It's such a great excuse to make people feel special and let them know how much you care.... yeah I'm a total mush ball. I'd like to dedicate this post to my mother by the way, because she is responsible for my neurotic behaviour at Christmas time. I sort of get it from her. There are a few things I am very particular about during the holiday season.

First off I just want to say that I firmly believe that this first point stems from being a member of a two child family. EVERYTHING MUST BE EVEN. For example, I will go out and buy all the Christmas presents and then lay them all out on my bed and go over them. OK so..... for my one friend I got a bar of soap, lip gloss and a book..... but wait! My other friend only got soap and lip gloss... and maybe she would rather have just a book.... must go back to the mall! Must buy more! And on it goes. The other thing I am famous for is elaborate grocery shopping. It's like I'm stocking for an army. An army that only eats gourmet food. I will admit I have champagne taste. Only the finest foods will I serve at holiday time.... and there is never enough.

What can I say.... we all have our quirks. All that being said, this year is going to be different! I will be forced to abandon my neurotic ways and relax because I will be on a beach in Mexico! Thankfully I still have some people to shop for and I'm sure I'll fit in a celebration or two before I go... but I will be relaxing on Christmas Eve instead of rushing around and worrying about everything being in order. I am really looking forward to having a vacation but I am also looking forward to celebrating Christmas in a different way, relaxing with family and not worrying about all the details.

Authentic

I went to the movies last night to see the new Twilight flick. Let's just say I had some good laughs! I was quite a fan of the books and I have enjoyed the movies but I wouldn't say this was the best one. All that a side, I found myself in a room full of teenagers (and a few older people too) and it had me thinking about my high school years. First my mind went to my dating experiences and I shook my head, and then I thought about the people I hung out with and wondered how they were doing. And most of all, I thought if they could see me now they would be surprised! Here I am at the new Twilight movie, having just had a baby 5 months ago, wearing my mom jeans. Who would have thought?! Everything has changed and it's amazing to look back and see how far I've come. When I was 19 I couldn't see a way forward and I never thought I would be so happy  and now I can't imagine being any other way.

I've been hearing the same themes over and over again recently. The glory of God being revealed, people being met with Jesus. They're things I've been hearing for the last nine years and I've always understood them but suddenly I feel as though they're taking on a new meaning. The person I am has everything to do with God's plan to reveal His glory to the world through His son Jesus. It's not just what I do or say or don't do or say it's who I decide to be. Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world. I could try out of my own strength to relay to someone who Jesus is but I would rather have people be met with the actual person of Jesus. I'm realizing that there is a fundamental difference between sharing your faith with someone, which is great... but I also want people to see and know who Jesus really is. And this can only happen when I decide to surrender everything over to Jesus, and trust Him completely.

Out with the old in with the new

 I've been thinking this week that it might be time to start cleaning out my closets. It's the craziest thing with closets in my house, it seems like I am always organizing them. It's crazy because every time I do it I am convinced I won't have to do it again for a long time. This is because I have created the perfect system for organizing them and if I just keep putting things back in the same spot and following this method..... and here we are again.

It would seem that I could compare organizing closets quite closely to organizing my personal life. Every time I think I have developed the perfect way to deal with stress, disappointment, fear, etc, something messes it all up again. If only I had my own personal closet organizer, I think to myself...... but I do. It's when I stop communicating with God that I realize my life is a mess. Suddenly everything is falling apart and I can't figure out what went wrong. That's because I stop taking time to put things back on the proper shelf so to speak. It's when I stop sharing my life with God and actively praying about my daily life that it all falls apart.

I was thinking this morning about doing a cleanse, a life cleanse. I so badly want to be pure in every aspect of my life. I feel so bogged down all of a sudden. There's all this junk piling up around me (it's those darn closets) and instead of shoving it away some where I want to actually throw out what I don't need in my life and store the rest in its proper place. As I was thinking about cleansing it brought me to the verse Hebrews 12:1 that says let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  I realized that in order to be truly pure I need to give everything over to God first, even the junk.... and then we can really move forward. I realized I've been trying to do it all on my own, hanging on to everything and trying to deal with it on my own. I often find myself in this position. Truly humbled by God, realizing that He really is my everything and without Him I can do nothing.

Welcome to Motherhood

So I'm feeling pretty good about this whole motherhood thing. I can't believe I'm old enough to be a mother and this is really happening..... but I feel good about it! I have always wanted to be a mom but I'm not exactly what people would describe as really put together or the homemaker type. My son Zachary is almost 4 months old now (totally loving this smiley stage he's in) and although I've enjoyed motherhood from the start I am beginning to feel like myself again and less like a hormonal mess. Who would of known extreme sleep deprivation could make you feel so crazy! We're through the woods so to speak in the sleep department and I'm starting to find time to reflect on this whole process and I am super excited to be writing this post as it is my first! So here are a few things I have discovered so far.........

So first of all, as I was saying before, I am not the homemaker type so I was always a little frightened by a few aspects of motherhood. It kind of scared of me to think that I would be responsible for another person's life, for one. Zachary will be watching me and learning from me. So during the time I was expecting my wonderful bundle of joy, I thought about this a lot. What kind of person am I now? And who will I be as a mother? Do I need to change? Anyone who knows me knows that I absolutely loooove shopping and I am extremely social person who loves to be out all day. So as I thought about theses questions I wondered if I would need to change completely, become a homebody and start being super domestic.

I'm relieved to say that hasn't happened. I have made a few adjustments, however. The amazing thing is that as soon as I held Zachary in my arms I knew right away that my life would change forever and it would be amazing. I didn't know in that moment what exactly that would look like. But I knew I loved Zachary so much that I would do anything for him. Children are such a pure gift from God. It was in that moment that I felt the weight of my responsibility for this child and just what a privilege it is to be entrusted with another life. What an exciting thing! For the first few weeks I just kept staring at my husband Trent in disbelief that we now had a baby together, what a miracle!

I realize now that the best thing I can do is be the woman God created me to be and continue to grow into the mother He created me to be. I have taken Zachary on many shopping trips and several journeys to Starbucks but there are also days when I just want stay home with him and relax. There are times when I even do some baking or housework! My life is definitely different but it's awesome and I am excited for what lies ahead.